How Fat Is Michael MooreHow fat is Michael Moore?
He’s so fat that:
1. When he was diagnosed with a flesh eating disease the doctor gave him 13
years to live.
2. He has 3 smaller men orbiting around him.
3. They have to use grease to get him out of the bathtub.
4. He has to put his belt on with a boomerang.
5. If you yell "Kool-Aid," he comes crashing through the wall.
6. He’s protected by Green Peace.
7. People use his belly button to hide their valuables.
8. He once woke up to find Sir Edmund Hillary placing a flag on his belly.
9. Vandals keep spray-painting “Goodyear” on his sides.
10. He gets nervous when he hears any mention of thinning out of herds.
11. He can legally use the carpool lane, even when he travels alone.
12. Instead of toilet paper, a bolt of fabric hangs next to his toilet.
13. He broke his leg and gravy poured out.
14. His body has it’s own zip code.
15. His floors buckle, but his belts won't.
16. He has his own gravitational pull.
17.You have to grease the doorframe and hold a twinkie on the other side just to
get him through.
18. Someone tried to drive around him and ran out of gas.
19. When he dances at a concert the whole band skips.
20. He has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.
21. He goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
22. The National Weather Agency assigns names to his farts.
23. His waste size is larger than his I.Q.
24. He rolled over in his sleep, and woke up in another state.
25. When he steps on a fortune telling scale, it spits out a card that says “One
at a time, please”
26. When he sits around the house, he sits AROUND the house!
27. 8x10’s of him are in feet.
28. When he hauls ass he has to make two trips.
29. When he walks in front of your TV you miss half of the program you’re
watching.
30. His body has its own congressman.
31. His cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
32. His high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
33. His driver's license says "Picture continued on the other side."
34. The back of his neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
35. The restaurants in town have signs that say: Maximum Occupancy: 240 patrons
or Michael Moore.
36. When he ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
37. He sells shade at the beach.
38. When he goes to a restaurant, he doesn't get a menu - he gets an estimate.
39. He plays pool with the planets.
40. His belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
41. He put on a yellow jacket and kids tried to board him after school.
42. When he goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
43. They have to use rail-crossing gates when he walks across the street.
44. He wakes up on BOTH sides of the bed.
45. He has to use the Aids quilt to cover up.
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